Epidural or No Epidural

Normally I'm not one of those people who like to know the future. I don't normally yearn to have a crystal ball to just tell me how things are going to go. But in the case of the child birth, I REALLY want someone to tell me what exactly is going to happen ahead of time.

These past couple of days/weeks, I have really been agonizing over what the hell to do about the whole epidural/no epidural thing. I mostly would really really like to go the non-drug route. I'd like to just do the whole thing with as few interventions as possible simply because the more interference that happens, the harder it can make things. But on the other hand, there are the people who say that having the epidural for the later parts of labor was heavenly. They were able to focus more on the birth of their child rather than the pain.

Overall the risks of an epidural far outweigh the benefits. I feel like there is only one simple benefit to having the epidural, the potential for a pain free labor. One overall benefit, but a HEFTY benefit that I can't quite seem to shake taking advantage of. One that may be the only thing I'm thinking about when I'm in the midst of pain and misery.

Again this is when I would really appreciate a crystal ball. If I knew that I wouldn't end up with a massive headache, or spinal fluid leakage, or temporary (or permanent) paralysis, or a long recovery, or a c-section (due to the lack of labor progress) or any of the other potential risks, I think I would take the epidural in a second. But all of those risks are scary and I'm not sure I want to risk the proper use of my legs for the rest of my life for a few hours of relief.

Part of me also feels like I need to experience the pain. Yes its going to suck and I'll be miserable, but it's like a rite of passage for mothers. There are so many women who can't give birth because their bodies won't let them. Am I taking this gift that God has given me and shoving it back in his face? He created women to feel the pains of childbirth for a reason. Should I really interfere with what my body has been designed to do in order to have some relief? Women every day give birth without medication. Why shouldn't I do it too?

And so many of my friends who have given birth completely naturally feel empowered and strong. It's a huge accomplishment that they are very proud of. The only person who said she wished she would have had pain medication (instead of going naturally after the fact) was my mom when she gave birth to my sister who had a large teratoma on her bum. That was a little bit of a special circumstance though. Her butt was the size of her head, which made the natural way of being born more difficult. But mom even did that naturally and despite her being very sore afterwards, she still did it. So a normally developed baby should be no problem right?

Ultimately I'm hoping that my labor will progress so quickly that I won't have a chance to get an epidural. I think I want to stay home for as long as possible to help alleviate the time I actually spend at the hospital and the amount of time I'll have to change my mind. If I show up at the hospital and they simply tell me that my baby will arrive before the epidural will be ready, then the problem is solved. No agonizing over if I should or shouldn't. But since I live 45 minutes from the hospital, knowing when exactly I should leave is going to be the tricky part.