This book that I'm reading says that it's really good to express your biggest fears about the birthing process beforehand. That way you can internalize them and find solutions to help you face the fears in such a way that they are manageable and solvable (sounds a little fruity, I know, but I do think it will help me to get them out there). And it also helps to just get them out there. I often find myself able to dismiss my fears easily once I get them said and worked out.
As cliche as it may sound, I think my biggest fear about giving birth is the unknown. I have no idea what to expect. What if the pain is far worse than I am expecting? What if there are complications? What if the nurses and doctors are assholes and everything is tense and strained because I don't want to do what they are telling me to do? What if there is something wrong with the baby?
The pain is a big one for me. I keep thinking about all the numerous birth stories I've heard and overall they are all pretty positive, which is encouraging. My own mom has had generally easy labors that didn't have any complications. She even said that she rarely ever tore, a big genetic plus if you ask me! There are things about each labor that she said she would have changed, but she doesn't dwell on them either. She definitely talks about them and says that she would have liked them to go one way or the other, but she still got her baby out of it regardless of if the doctor broke her water or if she had to be induced or if she bled a lot more than she should have. The thing that I've really learned from her is that it's not the end of the world if your labor goes a little differently than what you expected. You still have a beautiful baby at the end of it.
As far as the pain, I don't really know how to prepare for it other than to just think through the whole thing that I can do it. Positive thinking really does go a long way. I remember when I started training for my marathon that I just put it into my head that failure wasn't an option. I kept telling myself that I would cross the finish line, even if that meant that I would have to crawl to get there and I would be out there for eight hours. When I think about giving birth, I keep telling myself that I've run a marathon. Thousands of women give birth every day that have never even attempted to run a marathon. If they can do it, why can't I?
The other thing that is both encouraging and scary is that with a marathon, I could have stopped at any point and decided I didn't want to do it anymore. The world would have kept on turning whether I kept going or whether I stopped and said "Okay, I'm done! I do not want to run any more!" But with birth, there's no stopping. Failure really isn't an option. One way or the other, a baby is coming, whether it comes with or without medication or surgery. Like I said it's both encouraging and scary. I can't stop. It just has to be done. And honestly when I ran a marathon, failure really wasn't an option in my mind either. I had set out to do it, and I wasn't about to stop when I was so close to being done.
I've been reading as much as I can get my hands on regarding the birthing process. I was really on the fence about getting a doula. I like the idea of someone that is there for Chris and me. I like the idea that she won't have a hidden agenda of wanting to get the birth over with, or have it done a certain way or whatever obstacles the doctors and nurses bring in. But is it really worth paying someone $500+ to help us have a baby? There is a pretty good chance that everything will be right as rain and there will really be no need for a doula. I think I have decided against it. I feel like as long as Chris and I prepare together and really educate ourselves on the various "what-ifs" we will be okay.
I would really like to have my mom there as well. There's just something really comforting about having your mom there when you're sick that makes things a lot better. And she has had eight kids for goodness sakes. She's knows her way around the whole childbirth experience. The hard thing is that she lives 7 hours away and it's hard to know when a baby is going to show up. If she came down a couple days before I'm due and then we could all just hang out and do whatever until the baby wants to show, I would love it! She would probably have to bring my little sisters (they will be almost five and three by then) because my step-dad has to work and would have to find someone to watch them while he was away. We would just have to figure out what to do with the girls once I do go into labor. I do have a friend that has a young daughter herself and she is home during the days. She could probably watch them during the day and then once my sisters (who are both working here this summer) get off work, one of them could take over.
All in all, I really do think everything will work out just fine. I have no reason to worry simply because my pregnancy has been a breeze so far, I'm young and healthy and everything is fine with the baby. I think I do have a slight advantage as well because my care provider is a certified nurse midwife, not an obstetrician. I feel like a natural child birth is much more achievable in a hospital with a provider who doesn't have the letters M.D. behind their name. I feel like they tend to have specific ways of doing things that they do not like to stray away from and they look at child birth as a "condition" rather than a natural process. I also had a friend who had the same person that I have as a care provider and she really liked her (and she was able to have a natural birth) so I am optimistic. All in all, I am going to make known my wishes, but I also realize that things don't always go according to plan, especially when having a baby. You still end up with a baby regardless of how he gets out.
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