What Else Could I Possibly Be Thinking About??

Well this blog was supposed to be more of an all around life blog, but now that I have found out I'm pregnant, I foresee the main topic of it will revolve around pregnancy. Okay maybe not all the time. I've got eight more months to worry and think about everything, so I'm sure I'll still be able to muster up some other posts about additional topics, but for now, baby things it is!

I still just don't feel like it's true. I know that it is, but for some reason I just don't feel like it's really going to happen. This is something that I've thought about pretty much all my life. What it would be like to have a baby and now that it is happening in the near future, I just can't believe it. Plus I have not really felt any side effects (other than sore boobies) so I still just don't feel like it's true.

Maybe once I start feeling nauseous, maybe then I'll realize that it's really happening. Or maybe once I'm the same size as a baby whale I'll believe it. Or maybe once the kid is coming out my vag...maybe then it will be real. Who knows? I just still can't believe that I'm going to be a mom though. I'm like for real a grown up now. When you have kids, it's official. You are a grown up. Yea getting married is a big deal and a very grown up thing to do, but you're still not truly a grown up until a baby is on the way. Now there is another human being whose life depends on you being a responsible adult. Having a kid is a BIG deal!

I know I should feel nervous about it, but really I'm not. I'm a little concerned about the whole child birth part. That might be a little nerve racking. Surprisingly though, I always thought that once I had a child, I would really want the doctors to just leave me the hell alone and let me do my thing. Now that it's real and I'm going to have to go through some seriously painful stuff, I am all for doctor help. Maybe not so much inducing labor (although who knows once we get closer) but I think I am totally going to go for the epidural. There's no point in letting myself be in pain and agony if it can be avoided. My luck (and history of anesthesia tolerance) it isn't going to work anyway and I'm going to have to do the whole thing naturally anyway. The thing I'm the most scared of is the episiotomy. Holy crap, I don't want that snipped...yowzas!

But then again, I've got 8 months to go and I'll think about the childbirth part once we get closer (and once we actually talk to a doctor about it). I'm a little worried about our living situation. We are currently living in a pretty darn small place without much space for a crib or couch or chair or anything extra really. I think we could make it work if we had to. We are basically waiting for our company to move us to some housing that is a little bit bigger. I'm really praying that we will get moved to a house that will be a little better for our situation. The nice thing is that we don't have to pay rent or utilities so we don't have to worry about being evicted or our heat being shut off if we can't make the payments, so I am really thankful for that.

Honestly one of the reasons I can stay so calm about this whole thing is that I know we can do this. There are people who are a lot worse off than we are who have made it work. I am thankful for a wonderful supportive husband and the great job that he has. Having a partner like him really makes things like this not so scary. I know that no matter what we can make it through anything. I really do feel blessed for the life that we have been given. I often think about wives who have husbands that just don't care. I can't imagine feeling like I'm alone in this. Single mothers are amazingly strong to me.

Anyway we are going to tell our family this weekend. We are headed home and it's really the only time we can. It's still a little bit early, but I'm really not too worried about that. I know that I can't wait until Christmas to tell them and I want to tell my family before my friends and there is NO way I can hold it in from all my friends until Christmas. Just waiting this long (a whole week!) has been killer. I don't really know how people can wait until the end of the first trimester to say anything.

It is going to be pretty fun to tell them. I think they are going to be really excited about it! I know I am stoked and can hardly wait to tell the entire world. I think I'm going to look online and see if I can find any super creative ways to spill the beans.