New Stuff

Well I officially felt the baby move! It was such a cool feeling. I felt it on Saturday, the 12th. I was moving around quite a bit. I decided that I was really bored and wanted to clean the bathroom. And man was I cleaning it. I scrubbed it corner to corner and reorganized everything. I kept feeling this weird tickling in my stomach. I didn't really notice it at first but it kept moving around in my stomach. One second it would be deep down closer to my groin and then I would feel it again up by my ribs. It took me a little while to realize what it was, but when it kept happening, I knew it must be the baby. And he/she did it all day long. It felt like it was doing flips in there.

I haven't felt him/her move quite as much since Saturday. Little kicks here and there, but I think it's mostly because I haven't been moving around as much as I was on Saturday. I really wanted to go for a walk/run this weekend, but the warmest it got was just a couple degrees above 0. It was a COLD weekend! When it's like this, it's really hard in the winter. Normally we can at least go out and go for walks or be outside a little bit even when its in the twenties or so. But the last week has not been pleasant outside weather at all. I am to the point of being REALLY tired of the cold. Jamaica cannot be here soon enough.

We also found out news on where we are going to be living now. Chris was offered a higher position here, with a move up in housing. It wasn't the house we were expecting, but it's not bad. It's a two bedroom and it does have a dishwasher, which is HUGE. The salary was only about a $5,000 jump, which we were hoping for closer to ten, but it's still more than we would get in Missoula. And he is bonus eligible, so each year he could potentially get a 10% raise. And he would primarily be able to run his department the way that he wants to. As a 25 year old, it's a really big jump in his career. And it's really going to be nice to have a bigger place to live!

I was a little disappointed when I found out what house we were getting. We were hoping to be able to host Easter this year and invite his family down. Since we are getting a smaller two bedroom place, it probably won't be a possibility. But we can still have his parents come stay with us and when the baby comes, and we'll have a place for my mom to stay too. So it will be good. We did go look at one place that they offered us that doesn't have a dishwasher, but it has a horrible kitchen. The washer and dryer are in the kitchen (which a lot of the places have it like that) along with the hot water heater, so they stick out really weird and it's really small and awkward. We haven't looked at the other one yet because there is someone living in it right now, so I'm hoping that the washer and dryer aren't sticking out like that. We also have to wait until mid-February to move in. Honestly though, if we have to wait until March to move and get a dishwasher, I'm willing to wait. I think we will be very happy that we waited once we finally do get all settled in.

It is very exciting to know that we are moving soon! And that we are getting a place that is bigger than anything we have had before. We will actually have a living room and two bedrooms and our own washer and dryer and a somewhat decent sized kitchen. I know I was disappointed at first with the housing and the salary, but honestly what we got is still really awesome. Hopefully by the time we do end up leaving, we have all of our student loans free and clear and we have a new car (which we will need to really start looking for soon) and we will just be in a much better place to go somewhere new.

The Scale's Going Up...

Okay I know that it is a good thing and I should be happy about it, and I suppose a part of me is, but it is really disconcerting to step on the scale at 17 weeks pregnant and realize you've already gained seven pounds. I know, I know, it means that the baby is growing and healthy and I really am happy about it, but part of me really wishes he/she could grow without making me gain any weight. Bleh! I just keep thinking "Man I worked so hard to get down to 150 last summer and now I'm going to have to start all over and it's going to be even harder because I'll have a lot more weight to lose and I will have a newborn baby, and a sore body and not nearly as much time as I had before!" 'Sigh' 

I'm hoping that since I'll be staying home to take care of the baby, I will have at least an hour to have a good workout once I get all healed up and feeling a little back to my normal self. I would really like to get back into running too because it was such an easy way to workout and a great stress reliever. We'll see about that though. It might be potentially really hard pushing a stroller. But then again I could get some seriously awesome arms. I do think I'm going to try Insanity. It's really only two months and the workouts aren't nearly as long as the P90X workouts. Granted, I have yet to see any of the workouts, so who knows if I'll even like them, but it might be the only thing I can get myself to stick to. We will see. Either way, I have decided that I am not going to weigh myself anymore. I'll just let the doc weigh me and leave it at that!

A Little This and That

I haven't posted much lately because I have been soooo bored. I just feel like I have nothing interesting to write about. Christmas is over and dead winter has set in here in Wyoming. We have two months until our big Jamaica vacation and four months until things start hustling and bustling around here in anticipation of the season beginning. We are almost half way through the winter season, but the second half always seems so much longer. And now that we have a baby on the way, I feel like it will drag even more due to my growing hugeness. 

We do have a little bit of news as far as what's going to happen with our living situation. Chris was called in the other day to discuss what is going on with the whole restructuring of his department. Basically it's great news. We will get to move to a much bigger place (the place I've been praying for by the way) and he will report to the person he was hoping to and he will basically be able to run the department how he wants to. It's still not 100% just because they haven't officially offered him the updated job description and shown him some numbers in terms of salary. But basically it looks like we are probably going to end up staying. He still is going to interview for the job in Montana, but unless he gets offered a awesome deal up there, it will be hard to give up the position here. It will just be a great career move for him and we could really use the extra money we will be saving by not paying rent. We would really like to knock out our student loans as soon as possible so we can start saving for a down payment on a house and various other luxuries we'd like to have someday. And we are going to need a new car soon. That's not something we can delay too much longer unfortunately. It is kind of exciting to think that we only have to move right down the street, versus up a state in the dead of winter. And I won't have to find a new doctor and switch to a new insurance company and all that. It just seems like the much less stressful option. 

I definitely am anxious for things to get going. It seems like once January is over, things will finally start rolling rather quickly. We will finally know for sure where we are going to be living for the next couple years. I feel like we've been living in this state of limbo since we moved here wondering when we would finally be told that we could move to another house with more space. And now it seems like it will be happening in the next month or so. 

We will also find out if our little baby is a he or a she. I'm not sure which day we will actually find out because we have to see a specialist who comes in from Salt Lake. Since my family has a history of heart defects, they really want to rule it out beforehand. But we won't get to find out until sometime between the 18th and the 25th. And I have no idea when they are going to let us know what day our appointment is. Apparently they have to schedule it only about a week out.

I am really kind of hoping for a boy. I would be just as happy if it's a girl, but I just envision us with a boy first. It would also be cool to have the first grandson, since we aren't having the first grandbaby (my brother beat me by two years) on my side. It's just going to be so exciting to see how much the baby has grown since the last time we had an ultrasound. 

Either way, by the time January is over, we will finally know where we are living and if our baby is a boy or a girl! Lots of exciting things to come in the next couple of weeks!  

My Home's In....

Well Christmas is all over and we are back in Wyoming, nose to the grindstone. I really enjoyed being home with our family and getting so much time with them, but I am so glad to be done with it. It can be extremely exhausting to have to go back and forth between two families and feel like you've spent adequate time with both. Too much of it can drive you nuts. Plus the eight to nine hour drive to actually get home is just as exhausting. I can't even imagine what next year is going to be like with a six month old. If we are still here next Christmas, I think it might be worth putting our puppy in doggy daycare. That way we can at least alleviate the need to take our pup. 

There is a good chance that we may be moving back to Montana in the next month or so. Well a slight chance anyway. Chris got an interview up in Missoula for a great job. He's one of five candidates for this job that I think he would really enjoy. He has an interview on the 17th of January in Missoula. I wish it wasn't so far off though. His boss at the company we are at currently actually just quit a couple weeks ago, so they are looking at restructuring the position. Most likely he will be receiving a promotion here as well. So if he doesn't get the job in Missoula, we will at least get a bigger place and bump in pay here. 

I have really mixed feelings about both positions. Missoula would be awesome because we would only be three hours from home, we'd be near civilization again and so we could actually get involved in our community and a church and various other activities. But we would have a lot more bills to pay. We don't pay for housing or utilities here. We also don't really pay for groceries in the summer because we can eat in the employee dining room and various restaurants. And even more tantalizing is the fact that we have cut our student loan total in half in the past year. If we were to stay here just a year more, we could really get those student loans knocked out to a small chunk. We could also afford an upgrade on our vehicle, which is going to be something that we really need to do here soon, one way or the other. 

If we moved to Missoula, Chris would probably get about the same salary as he will here once his position is restructured, but we'll have to pay for rent, groceries and utilities. Plus with a baby, my career options are pretty limited, so it's not like I could significantly contribute to the paycheck. But even with all of that, I do think we could cut back quite a bit and make it work. There are people who make less than Chris would who make it work too. It would be hard at times, but I don't think it would be awful. And being so close to home is such a big selling point. We only get to go home about four times a year, if we are lucky. And now that a baby is coming, it just seems like it would be so much easier to drive three hours rather than eight or nine to see our family. 

If it doesn't work out that Chris gets this job, we are going to continue to look for opportunities near home. I feel like in another year or so we will be that much more prepared to move onto something else. We'll have had more time to save and continue to pay off our student debt. We'll also have had time to get a new vehicle and start making payments on it. And the baby will have arrived and we would hopefully be into somewhat of a routine. If we do get offered the job in Missoula, we are going to go for it and get outta here, but I don't think it would be bad thing either if we do end up staying here. We do like it here after all, it's just the whole driving nine hours to get home that we are a little bit tired of. We will see. Only time can tell! 

Crying It Out Will Just Not Do!

Something that I really didn't expect (okay well I guess I knew about it but just didn't think it would happen) is how emotional pregnancy makes me. I mean in general I am a pretty emotional person anyway. If someone looks at me funny, I might start crying normally. But now it's like everything is multiplied by like twenty. If someone maybe hints at possibly thinking they might look at me funny, I'll start crying inside. And then I really do cry because I can't hold in the fact that I want to cry. I cry for the most stupid things and sometimes I cry and don't even know why I'm crying. Like literally I have no idea what it is that has brought on tears.

You know that movie "What to Expect When You're Expecting"? Yea, she wasn't kidding when she says she cries at commercials... I've probably cried at two or three of them that are somewhat maybe a little sappy. Forget about watching movies like "Marley and Me" that made me sob when I wasn't pregnant. And I cry at sweet little things too. Like how cute a baby is or how kind my friends are or how thoughtful my husband is. It's just a never-ending up and down emotional roller coaster ALL THE TIME!!

And it's not even like I'm crying because I'm overwhelmed with work or chores or because I'm uncomfortable, because at least that would be understandable. I just have crying jags where I just ball for no apparent reason. And then I cry even more because I'm being stupid!

I get upset that I'm getting fat (yea I know it's not "fat") and it's upsetting that it won't matter if I do crunches because it's just going to keep getting bigger anyway. And then I don't even want to do anything at all because it won't make any difference anyway, and then I'm less happy because I don't exercise but why bother, even though really it does matter. Ugh!

Oh and the mood swings too! I mean really, one minute I will be fine and happy go lucky no problem and then DH doesn't wipe the sink off right and all hell breaks loose. And then the tears start coming because I can't figure out why I'm pissed off because it's absolutely silly to be mad about why the sink isn't wiped off right. I mean really, who cares? But for some reason this child is making me care and then the cycle starts all over again and I'm crying because I have no idea why I'm mad and upset and it makes no sense! I think I'd rather be nauseous than have all these crazy mood swings, because they are not fun!

Pain or No Pain??

Epidural or no epidural? How to decide?? It is such a loaded question that can change with so many different turn of events! I love the idea of being one of those women who births her child medication free. It's like I could be this almighty Amazon woman who can do all things she puts her mind to. I've been reading up on epidurals and the risks and benefits just to try and convince myself that, yes, I can give birth without the need for medication. I CAN do it! But there is that tiny little voice inside of me saying, "Why even bother trying to go for it? What is the point? You'll get the baby eventually anyway, and it might be a whole lot better experience. Why endure all that pain?"

The problem that I am having is that if I were to get an epidural, the chance of needing a c-section or the need for Pitocin or forceps or a vacuum removal greatly increases. Are all those risks worth the pain relief? I mean if I end up having a c-section, is that worth the incredibly painful recovery and nasty ass scar I'll have forever? The other problem that I am having is that I have NO idea what exactly it's going to feel like. Yes I know it's going to hurt. I know it will be unlike anything I've ever experienced. But I've never given birth and I have no idea what it really is going to be like, so how can I say I can be strong enough through it when I really have no idea what I'm actually agreeing to.

Ultimately I want to do it naturally. I want to be one of those strong women who can say "Yes I gave birth naturally without any medication!" After all, I've been able to do a lot that I put my mind to. I mean a few years ago, if someone had told me that I would run a marathon in less than five hours, I don't know if I would have believed them. And I ended up doing it just three short months ago. If I can dedicate myself to the training and endurance it takes to run a marathon, I can give birth medication free. I'm going to continue reading up on the whole natural child birth thing and find out what exactly I should expect in the delivery room. I think knowing what to expect will be half the battle. And there are plenty of natural pain relieving methods. Knowing those will help a lot.

Where the Hell Do I Come Up With This Stuff??

It's been a long time since I've wrote something in my blog. Mostly because I feel like I haven't had anything interesting to write lately. But last night I had some doozy of dreams that were just absolutely crazy. I actually commonly have weird dreams and I almost always remember at least one. But this time I remember at least two, maybe three. The first one I dreamt that I was the fourth finalist on The X Factor. We have been watching this show since the tryouts and following it rather religiously, so it makes sense that it was on my mind. Anyway, I was a finalist, along with Harry Potter (who was played by Daniel Radcliffe, but went by, of course, Harry Potter) the gay guy from Glee (Kurt) and an actual finalist on The X Factor right now, Tate Stevens. In this episode, the hosts were exploring each of our backgrounds a little bit more. Khloe Kardashian was the host (she really is one of the hosts this season) and she started with Harry. She told the audience that they were going to show a video from Harry's home of his little sister Eve. Now just as a back ground story, I have a little sister, who is two and her name is Evie. When Khloe said that Harry had a little sister named Eve, I thought it was rather strange that we both had that in common. Then suddenly they showed a video of my mom's house and the camera was in fact following my youngest sister around the house in just her diaper. They followed her around for a few minutes and I realized that they obviously got it all mixed up and that this was actually my sister, not Harry's. She looked at the camera and her diaper was FULL of poop and she went to take it off. As she is doing so, she yells at the camera "Jackson, shut that damn camera off!" And the video suddenly went off.

Apparently everyone thought this was funny and not at all nasty that her diaper was full of poop or that a two year old had just swore. So they spoke to Harry and asked him what he had to say. He tried to pretend like it wasn't a big deal or anything and he said "As funny as that was, I do not have a sister named Eve. I believe this video is Steph's sister." Afterwards, I actually think I woke up and looked around, because I don't remember anything else. I really didn't understand where I was and who was laying next to me because I was JUST sitting next to Tate Stevens and Harry Potter on The X Factor stage. Then I realized it had just been a dream and I fell immediately back to sleep.

And then for some reason in the middle of doing something messy (I have no idea what) I suddenly realized that I was getting married in an hour and a half and I needed to get my hair done. Because I didn't know that I was getting married, I didn't make an appointment with anyone. So I had to walk into a Mastercuts type place and see if anyone was available. I walked in and only one woman was in there. She was chewing gum and playing on her iPhone rather obnoxiously and I asked if I could get my hair done. She said she would get to me when she had a moment. I guess the dream version of me is a lot nicer than the real version because I just sat there politely waiting for her to be ready for me. Then suddenly more people started walking in and more stylists appeared out of nowhere. One lady walked in with her husband and I recognized them to be a family that we knew when my family lived in Havre. She got right in and started getting her hair done, which I didn't think was strange at all!

Now the lady that was left for me (who was still not doing anything but playing on her phone) showed no sign of getting to me anytime soon, and I was on a tight schedule. I was getting married and I couldn't get married with the hair I had! So I politely asked her if she would be ready anytime soon (which again is very much unlike what I would do in real life) and she flipped out. She started screaming that I needed to wait my "goddamn turn." Apparently I pissed her off enough that she stormed out of the salon and ran to the parking lot. Well I left the keys in our car and somehow she knew exactly which one it was. I realized she was going to steal it and I tried to race her there. But of course in dreams you can't move or speak the way that you normally can, so of course she got there first. Instead of stealing the car though, she decided to play demolition derby. Many many cars were in pieces and there was nothing I could do. It had been done with my car and so now my insurance premiums were going to go way up.

I'm not really sure what happened afterwards. The details are fuzzy. You know when you are dreaming and everything makes sense while you are dreaming, but as soon as you wake up, you have no idea what was going on? That's pretty much what happened. I know I continued to dream about something to do with a gas station and a bunch of people that were looking for me and then they turned into a marching band and a parade started going down the street...I don't know. All I know is when I woke up, I felt like so much had happened and that I should be exhausted, but I actually felt pretty rested.