My Home's In....

Well Christmas is all over and we are back in Wyoming, nose to the grindstone. I really enjoyed being home with our family and getting so much time with them, but I am so glad to be done with it. It can be extremely exhausting to have to go back and forth between two families and feel like you've spent adequate time with both. Too much of it can drive you nuts. Plus the eight to nine hour drive to actually get home is just as exhausting. I can't even imagine what next year is going to be like with a six month old. If we are still here next Christmas, I think it might be worth putting our puppy in doggy daycare. That way we can at least alleviate the need to take our pup. 

There is a good chance that we may be moving back to Montana in the next month or so. Well a slight chance anyway. Chris got an interview up in Missoula for a great job. He's one of five candidates for this job that I think he would really enjoy. He has an interview on the 17th of January in Missoula. I wish it wasn't so far off though. His boss at the company we are at currently actually just quit a couple weeks ago, so they are looking at restructuring the position. Most likely he will be receiving a promotion here as well. So if he doesn't get the job in Missoula, we will at least get a bigger place and bump in pay here. 

I have really mixed feelings about both positions. Missoula would be awesome because we would only be three hours from home, we'd be near civilization again and so we could actually get involved in our community and a church and various other activities. But we would have a lot more bills to pay. We don't pay for housing or utilities here. We also don't really pay for groceries in the summer because we can eat in the employee dining room and various restaurants. And even more tantalizing is the fact that we have cut our student loan total in half in the past year. If we were to stay here just a year more, we could really get those student loans knocked out to a small chunk. We could also afford an upgrade on our vehicle, which is going to be something that we really need to do here soon, one way or the other. 

If we moved to Missoula, Chris would probably get about the same salary as he will here once his position is restructured, but we'll have to pay for rent, groceries and utilities. Plus with a baby, my career options are pretty limited, so it's not like I could significantly contribute to the paycheck. But even with all of that, I do think we could cut back quite a bit and make it work. There are people who make less than Chris would who make it work too. It would be hard at times, but I don't think it would be awful. And being so close to home is such a big selling point. We only get to go home about four times a year, if we are lucky. And now that a baby is coming, it just seems like it would be so much easier to drive three hours rather than eight or nine to see our family. 

If it doesn't work out that Chris gets this job, we are going to continue to look for opportunities near home. I feel like in another year or so we will be that much more prepared to move onto something else. We'll have had more time to save and continue to pay off our student debt. We'll also have had time to get a new vehicle and start making payments on it. And the baby will have arrived and we would hopefully be into somewhat of a routine. If we do get offered the job in Missoula, we are going to go for it and get outta here, but I don't think it would be bad thing either if we do end up staying here. We do like it here after all, it's just the whole driving nine hours to get home that we are a little bit tired of. We will see. Only time can tell! 

Crying It Out Will Just Not Do!

Something that I really didn't expect (okay well I guess I knew about it but just didn't think it would happen) is how emotional pregnancy makes me. I mean in general I am a pretty emotional person anyway. If someone looks at me funny, I might start crying normally. But now it's like everything is multiplied by like twenty. If someone maybe hints at possibly thinking they might look at me funny, I'll start crying inside. And then I really do cry because I can't hold in the fact that I want to cry. I cry for the most stupid things and sometimes I cry and don't even know why I'm crying. Like literally I have no idea what it is that has brought on tears.

You know that movie "What to Expect When You're Expecting"? Yea, she wasn't kidding when she says she cries at commercials... I've probably cried at two or three of them that are somewhat maybe a little sappy. Forget about watching movies like "Marley and Me" that made me sob when I wasn't pregnant. And I cry at sweet little things too. Like how cute a baby is or how kind my friends are or how thoughtful my husband is. It's just a never-ending up and down emotional roller coaster ALL THE TIME!!

And it's not even like I'm crying because I'm overwhelmed with work or chores or because I'm uncomfortable, because at least that would be understandable. I just have crying jags where I just ball for no apparent reason. And then I cry even more because I'm being stupid!

I get upset that I'm getting fat (yea I know it's not "fat") and it's upsetting that it won't matter if I do crunches because it's just going to keep getting bigger anyway. And then I don't even want to do anything at all because it won't make any difference anyway, and then I'm less happy because I don't exercise but why bother, even though really it does matter. Ugh!

Oh and the mood swings too! I mean really, one minute I will be fine and happy go lucky no problem and then DH doesn't wipe the sink off right and all hell breaks loose. And then the tears start coming because I can't figure out why I'm pissed off because it's absolutely silly to be mad about why the sink isn't wiped off right. I mean really, who cares? But for some reason this child is making me care and then the cycle starts all over again and I'm crying because I have no idea why I'm mad and upset and it makes no sense! I think I'd rather be nauseous than have all these crazy mood swings, because they are not fun!

Pain or No Pain??

Epidural or no epidural? How to decide?? It is such a loaded question that can change with so many different turn of events! I love the idea of being one of those women who births her child medication free. It's like I could be this almighty Amazon woman who can do all things she puts her mind to. I've been reading up on epidurals and the risks and benefits just to try and convince myself that, yes, I can give birth without the need for medication. I CAN do it! But there is that tiny little voice inside of me saying, "Why even bother trying to go for it? What is the point? You'll get the baby eventually anyway, and it might be a whole lot better experience. Why endure all that pain?"

The problem that I am having is that if I were to get an epidural, the chance of needing a c-section or the need for Pitocin or forceps or a vacuum removal greatly increases. Are all those risks worth the pain relief? I mean if I end up having a c-section, is that worth the incredibly painful recovery and nasty ass scar I'll have forever? The other problem that I am having is that I have NO idea what exactly it's going to feel like. Yes I know it's going to hurt. I know it will be unlike anything I've ever experienced. But I've never given birth and I have no idea what it really is going to be like, so how can I say I can be strong enough through it when I really have no idea what I'm actually agreeing to.

Ultimately I want to do it naturally. I want to be one of those strong women who can say "Yes I gave birth naturally without any medication!" After all, I've been able to do a lot that I put my mind to. I mean a few years ago, if someone had told me that I would run a marathon in less than five hours, I don't know if I would have believed them. And I ended up doing it just three short months ago. If I can dedicate myself to the training and endurance it takes to run a marathon, I can give birth medication free. I'm going to continue reading up on the whole natural child birth thing and find out what exactly I should expect in the delivery room. I think knowing what to expect will be half the battle. And there are plenty of natural pain relieving methods. Knowing those will help a lot.

Where the Hell Do I Come Up With This Stuff??

It's been a long time since I've wrote something in my blog. Mostly because I feel like I haven't had anything interesting to write lately. But last night I had some doozy of dreams that were just absolutely crazy. I actually commonly have weird dreams and I almost always remember at least one. But this time I remember at least two, maybe three. The first one I dreamt that I was the fourth finalist on The X Factor. We have been watching this show since the tryouts and following it rather religiously, so it makes sense that it was on my mind. Anyway, I was a finalist, along with Harry Potter (who was played by Daniel Radcliffe, but went by, of course, Harry Potter) the gay guy from Glee (Kurt) and an actual finalist on The X Factor right now, Tate Stevens. In this episode, the hosts were exploring each of our backgrounds a little bit more. Khloe Kardashian was the host (she really is one of the hosts this season) and she started with Harry. She told the audience that they were going to show a video from Harry's home of his little sister Eve. Now just as a back ground story, I have a little sister, who is two and her name is Evie. When Khloe said that Harry had a little sister named Eve, I thought it was rather strange that we both had that in common. Then suddenly they showed a video of my mom's house and the camera was in fact following my youngest sister around the house in just her diaper. They followed her around for a few minutes and I realized that they obviously got it all mixed up and that this was actually my sister, not Harry's. She looked at the camera and her diaper was FULL of poop and she went to take it off. As she is doing so, she yells at the camera "Jackson, shut that damn camera off!" And the video suddenly went off.

Apparently everyone thought this was funny and not at all nasty that her diaper was full of poop or that a two year old had just swore. So they spoke to Harry and asked him what he had to say. He tried to pretend like it wasn't a big deal or anything and he said "As funny as that was, I do not have a sister named Eve. I believe this video is Steph's sister." Afterwards, I actually think I woke up and looked around, because I don't remember anything else. I really didn't understand where I was and who was laying next to me because I was JUST sitting next to Tate Stevens and Harry Potter on The X Factor stage. Then I realized it had just been a dream and I fell immediately back to sleep.

And then for some reason in the middle of doing something messy (I have no idea what) I suddenly realized that I was getting married in an hour and a half and I needed to get my hair done. Because I didn't know that I was getting married, I didn't make an appointment with anyone. So I had to walk into a Mastercuts type place and see if anyone was available. I walked in and only one woman was in there. She was chewing gum and playing on her iPhone rather obnoxiously and I asked if I could get my hair done. She said she would get to me when she had a moment. I guess the dream version of me is a lot nicer than the real version because I just sat there politely waiting for her to be ready for me. Then suddenly more people started walking in and more stylists appeared out of nowhere. One lady walked in with her husband and I recognized them to be a family that we knew when my family lived in Havre. She got right in and started getting her hair done, which I didn't think was strange at all!

Now the lady that was left for me (who was still not doing anything but playing on her phone) showed no sign of getting to me anytime soon, and I was on a tight schedule. I was getting married and I couldn't get married with the hair I had! So I politely asked her if she would be ready anytime soon (which again is very much unlike what I would do in real life) and she flipped out. She started screaming that I needed to wait my "goddamn turn." Apparently I pissed her off enough that she stormed out of the salon and ran to the parking lot. Well I left the keys in our car and somehow she knew exactly which one it was. I realized she was going to steal it and I tried to race her there. But of course in dreams you can't move or speak the way that you normally can, so of course she got there first. Instead of stealing the car though, she decided to play demolition derby. Many many cars were in pieces and there was nothing I could do. It had been done with my car and so now my insurance premiums were going to go way up.

I'm not really sure what happened afterwards. The details are fuzzy. You know when you are dreaming and everything makes sense while you are dreaming, but as soon as you wake up, you have no idea what was going on? That's pretty much what happened. I know I continued to dream about something to do with a gas station and a bunch of people that were looking for me and then they turned into a marching band and a parade started going down the street...I don't know. All I know is when I woke up, I felt like so much had happened and that I should be exhausted, but I actually felt pretty rested.

Baby Registry

Here's a blogger's opinion on the must haves and the wait-and-see options for your baby registry. It's great to get first hand knowledge on what she needed and didn't need.
The Ultimate and Overwhelming Guide to a Baby Registry

And on another note, here is a great resource for cloth diapering. I for one would like to try it and see how I like it. From what everyone says, you can save a significant amount of money by cloth diapering.
Cloth Diapering 101


And for washing cloth diaper tips
Washing Cloth Diapers

Detergent Dos and Don'ts

To Vaccinate or Not To Vaccinate: What a Question!!

'Sigh' When becoming a parent there are so many decisions to make. To vaccinate or not to vaccinate...that is the question on my mind right now. Talk about a big fat pain in the ass. I've mentioned in my previous posts that I really hate going to the doctor. And I hate even more when the doctor tells me I have to do something that I don't want to do. If I want to get sick and die, that's my damn business and they can butt out. I've decided to start my research now on vaccinations. So far the people who tend to be more leery about vaccinations but also don't totally rule them out either (which I kind of consider myself in this category) say that you can always get a vaccination. You can never un-get one.

Now the common recommendation is to give you baby his/her first vaccination when they are two months old. Part of me has such a hard time accepting this. I mean really, why do you have to give your baby a shot when he's that young?? It seems a little rash to me. I've seen several people recommend waiting to give your child their vaccines until after they are at least two years old because their immune systems are much more developed and the chance of SIDS is much less common. I've also seen others that say four or five years old. And why do kids need a vaccination for the chicken pox?? I got them as a kid and look at me, I'm still chugging along, healthy as a horse. I can maybe see an adult male who has never had the chicken pox getting the vaccination, seeing as he could lose his chance of reproducing should he contract them. But really? A four year old needing the chicken pox vaccine. Please.

Since I do have some time to do my research, that's exactly what I'm going to do. This book comes highly recommended The Vaccine Book as an impartial study on what exactly we know about vaccines. If I do decide to vaccinate (or not vaccinate) my child, I want it to be because I have done my research and made an educated decision. Not because a doctor tells me it has to be done and not because a radical extremist group tells me that they are bad.

Here are a few other articles

9 Questions To Ask About Vaccines

Vaccine Side Effects

Hepatitis B Vaccine

Tetanus Shots

Potty Training Plea!

Maybe it's just because I don't know that agony of having to change 10-15 diapers every day yet, but I have NEVER understood why parents feel that it is appropriate to share the status of their child's potty training progress on Facebook. I mean really? The rest of the world really doesn't want to hear that your child pooped in the potty for the first time. And please, for the love of our almighty Father in heaven, DO NOT post a picture. It just crosses so many lines in so many places. I am generally happy that you're child will not be going to kindergarten wearing a diaper, but please, I don't really want to know!

Now if you have a funny story about your child potty training, that's a little different. For example, the pastor who lead my college campus Chi Alpha group told us a story about his son one night. Basically the youngest son was still in the process of learning to go on the potty. The older son really wanted to help him along the process. One day he walked into the bathroom and found his younger son facing the wall with his hands placed appropriately, buck naked, legs spread and cheeks open. His older son (who was maybe 5 at the time) had a big wad of toilet paper and was trying to wipe the younger son's butt clean. I can't even imagine walking in and seeing my young sons doing such a thing, but I would probably die laughing from it. But that is worthy of a Facebook share.

I won't promise to not post a pic like this...'cause
this is pretty gosh darn cute! 

I am posting this now, because I want to vow that no matter how excited I am that my child is taking steps towards never needing a diaper change, I will never post it on Facebook. My blog is free range (although I will never post a picture of his/her poop or pee anywhere in the world!) but never ever will I announce it on Facebook!

First Doc Appointment

Well we've been to the doctor and wow, how amazing it is! I think it was probably one of the coolest things I have ever experienced. It didn't feel very real to me before, but now that I've seen him/her and I have a picture, it's very real! And the coolest part was that we could see it move it's little hands and feet around. It was so awesome. The doctor was pretty nice, but I didn't really feel a close knit connection with her. I didn't really have a problem with her, but I just didn't feel like I could say what I was thinking as much as I would have liked to.

I honestly hate the whole doctor thing in general. I'm kind of the type of person that would like to just not ever go to the doctor if I can help it. I know that we have doctors for good reasons and they are valuable to have, but I just get irritated when they tell me I have to do something or really insist on me doing something. I feel like with this baby, I'm going to have to really decide what I want to fight on.

The doctor that saw us asked us some good questions, but I really didn't feel like she was generally excited for us. I mean granted she sees people like us everyday and it's probably no big deal to her, but I kind of wished that she would have been a little more welcoming and enthusiastic. She kept talking about this test that you should get around 12 weeks that determines whether a baby has down syndrome and various other genetic disorders. I wasn't really interested simply because even if there is something wrong with this baby, we are not going to get rid of it just because something might be wrong. It's just not something I could live with myself for doing. So to me, it really doesn't make a difference whether or not the baby has something genetically wrong with it. I'm going to love it anyway. But she kept talking about it and when we finally said we weren't really interested she said that it was mostly for people who don't think they can handle a baby with a problem.

Then she also asked whether or not I have had a flu shot yet. Now I am not a crazy anti-vaccine advocate, I think they are an important piece of disease prevention, but I think they have gone a little overboard with vaccines these last few years. My mom never had a flu shot with any of my siblings or me and we are all alive to tell the tale. I haven't had the flu in years (knock on wood) and I've never had a Flu shot. I'm not about to inject my body with the actual virus to ward it away while I'm pregnant. No thank you! But the doctor asked me if I wanted one and when I said no, she tried to tell me that they highly recommend them when you are pregnant. Sorry, I just don't believe that putting any virus (whether it's supposed to prevent more or not) into my body that wasn't there to begin with is a good idea. If I catch something and have to fight it off, then that's what I'll do, but I am not getting a flu shot. She didn't push it any further though.

This whole going to doctor a lot is going to take some getting used to. I'll do it because I want to make sure my baby is healthy and everything is all good, but I sure don't like it. I'm the kind of person that thinks that once a year is too much. Sigh. Maybe if we lived closer to a hospital, I'd go for a birth center or just have the baby at home. Sadly, insurance rarely pays for births done in a birth center. So it's cheaper to do it at a hospital. Oh well. Maybe we'll do that with another kid. Then that way I'll at least know what to expect.

The doctor did recommend that we see a specialist at 18 weeks. They usually fly someone in from Salt Lake once a month and he does a high resolution ultrasound to check for any abnormalities. Because my mom had a baby with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, they really just want to rule it out ahead of time. Jackson is a really rural hospital and they don't want me to deliver in Jackson if that's the case. I do agree that it's something that we definitely need to watch out for. I honestly am not worried that it would happen. I doubt that we'd win (or lose in this case) the lottery twice in our family. But because we are high risk for this, our insurance will most likely pay for it and we'll get some really cool images of our baby. We'll also find out if it's a boy or girl at that appointment. That will be the week of January 19, I believe, so it's actually only two months away! Crazy. We'll know if our baby is a boy or girl in two months! I can't wait!

Appointment Tomorrow

Well tomorrow is the day. We are going to see this little guy or gal for the first time! It's pretty exciting. Our appointment is at 2:30 so we'll leave work a little early. It sounds like it's going to be a fairly long appointment. Blood and urine test, internal ultrasound and whatever other tests they think I need.  I am praying that they don't want me to have a pap smear. I've actually made up my mind to refuse to do it, and I would prefer things to not be tense and awkward when I do refuse it. I had one this last February and I've never had an abnormal one. And I've only ever had one sexual partner during my entire life. They've changed the regulation to once every two years if you have never had any abnormalities, so I hope they don't insist on doing it just because I'm pregnant. I've had a few bad ones that were really traumatic and I just don't want to do it.

Anyway, that's the only thing that I am a little leery about. The internal ultrasound doesn't worry me though. I don't think it will be that bad. And it will hopefully be the only time I have to do it.

Election Day

Today is election day in America! I am planning on heading out to do my part after work today. I can't wait to see the results. I honestly just want it to be over with and know who has won. This time tomorrow hopefully it will all be settled and finalized. I am honestly really worried about the results of it though. I really feel like if Obama wins, it's going to be sad news for this country. All the debt that this country is in is appalling. And he has no plans to stop spending! In fact he has specifically said he's going to continue to spend. And Obamacare...Lord only knows where we will be by the time four years is up and Obamacare has put the country even further and further into debt. I just really am frightened for the state of the country and what this world will be like if Obama is given another term. Right now Obama is prospected to be in the lead...I really hope that changes. I just feel like everything he stands for is against everything I stand and hope for. I know that it really is up to God and he is going to give the country the leader He sees fit, but man I hope it's Mitt Romney...

If you haven't voted, make sure you do!

My Secret Pins

Because I still have yet to share the exciting news with all my friends, I have to resist the urge to pin every single baby related thing I see. So I think I'm going to start posting the links here until I put the news of FB. That way people won't get too suspicious when all my pins have to do with newborns and how to survive the first week...

How To Survive the First Week With a Newborn

My Weekend

Well I jinxed myself. I do that all the damn time. It's one of the big reasons we are sitting here and talking about this whole pregnancy. I hit six weeks last Wednesday and really had yet to feel any queasiness and anything at all (I did have one day while I was home that I didn't feel super great). I was starting to wonder if there was anything in there at all, seeing as my body seemed to be adjusting so well.

And then Saturday morning hit. Holy crap on a stick! I stood up and immediately got dizzy and queasy. I never did throw up, but I sure felt like it could be most welcome. It felt about how I normally feel after drinking too much wine the night before, minus the headache. By the afternoon I felt better, but still not up for a whole lot. We did end up going to our local school's fall fund raiser and I felt alright. I was hoping that because I was feeling better Saturday night that Sunday wouldn't be as bad. WRONG! Okay well actually it wasn't too bad. It didn't last as long as it did on Saturday, but I think I felt worse. I woke up and went into the kitchen to start waffles and the dishes. At first I thought I wasn't going to feel too bad, but then I started to feel dizzy. So I took some Airborne (which usually helps perk me up through anything) hoping it would help. Not so. My hubby came in and started helping me with the dishes and when I kept having to lean against the sink so I wouldn't pass out, he told me to go lay down.

Fortunately I did start to feel better a little while later. It really just hit me hard this weekend. Amazingly enough I felt fine this morning. I kind of started to think that this was the beginning to a miserable couple of weeks, but maybe the baby just really doesn't like sleeping in. Hmmm, I thought I had some more time before I had to give that up...

Oh and to add to my pregnancy symptoms, last night I forgot to shave one of my legs. Not just a spot, but the ENTIRE leg. I went to go put some lotion on and noticed the incredibly hairy stubble still present. It freaked me out a little. I mean how do you forget to shave one of your legs??

I've also been having some crazy dreams. I mean CRAZY! The other day I thought there was a mass murderer on our street going into people's houses and shooting them. I woke up and almost asked DH if he had his gun loaded because someone was in our house. Then I realized it was a dream and that might freak him out a little. And the same night, I dreamt that I decided to go for a run and I went half way to my home in Montana, and had no plans of how I was going to get back. And my husband was gone on an ambulance shift and couldn't come and get me. So I had to walk back. And to top it all off, last night I dreamt I was having sex with a chick, and I couldn't figure out if my husband would consider it cheating and have a problem with it.

Yea...weird weird dreams!

Weird Home Remedies

Uhh...this seems weird.

In regards to engorged breasts...

"You may wish to apply chilled cabbage leaves to ease engorgement, however limit use to 20 minutes, no more than 3 times per day, as cabbage can decrease milk supply."

Why cabbage of all things?!

Things To Start Reading Up On

The internet is such a handy tool to have. Especially when you're pregnant for the first time. I don't mind reading books and all but I feel like it's way easier to find specific information online that deals with the exact questions that I'm having. When I read a book, not only do I have to somehow get my hands on that specific book (library, buy, etc.) but then I have to sift through the chapters that I'm really not interested in to find the topic I want to know more about. I am thankful to live in the age I do.

I am starting to realize that there are a lot of things I don't know. Before I considered myself pretty well educated on what to expect when a baby comes along. I am the oldest of five immediate siblings and then my mom had more children after I grew up as well. I learned a lot when I would come home to visit or just from talking to my mom about specific things. Part of me likes to think that what I need to know will just come when I need it to. I'll just know what to do when it needs to be done. Like breastfeeding for example. I mean  it doesn't seem like it would be that difficult. Put the baby on your boob and let him suck. How hard can that be really? But then I've seen articles about women who have such a hard time with it. They recommend getting advise from a lactation specialist when you're in the hospital and to read up on it before the baby arrives. Now I'm not one to think that I know everything, but I had no idea that it could be such a hard thing to figure out. Some women end up not being able to do it at all. Which, I don't know if I believe completely. From what I've read and heard from others, it is not always the most fun or the most comfortable, so I think some women may just give up. Maybe there are some who just don't produce enough milk, but I really believe that our bodies as women are made to have babies. We are specifically designed to grow and nurture a baby. I can hardly believe that there would be a woman who would be unable to do such. I mean what did they do in the olden days when formula wasn't available? I bet they tried a lot harder. That baby wasn't very happy otherwise. I realize that it may be harder for some women, but I really have a hard time believing that it's impossible for anyone.

But what do I know right? I probably just jinxed myself and I am going to have a hell of a time nursing. And I'll hate every minute of it and just want to be done. I hope that's not the case. Breastfeeding sounds like it can be a really neat experience. I do not want to feed my baby formula at all if I can possibly help it. My boobs are around for a reason, why not use then as much as possible?

I do really want to read up on breastfeeding and find out more. I just don't want to be surprised by anything that can happen with this pregnancy. There is so much information readily available on this subject. I did just read this article that made me tear up a little. It's written in a way so it's as if your baby has written you a letter. It's so sweet and very informative. I learned a whole lot just from it alone. Dear Mommy

Sweet right? I think I'm going to have to keep that just to stay encouraged should it be particularly difficult.

Here is another article about what to expect those first few days after baby is born (nursing wise anyway).
Breastfeeding Timeline

Baby News

We went home this weekend and told all our family the big news. It was a lot of fun! My hubby and I stressed over trying to come up with creative ways to tell everyone, but kind of gave up when it was going to be too hard to get everyone together at once. It was a very busy weekend and we hardly saw one another, so our options were limited. We finally broke down and just told our families in some simple ways. I showed my sister a pic of the pregnancy tests. We gave my in-laws some baby socks with John Deere on them. I am not too disappointed that we didn't go all out for it. We thought about waiting until Christmas when we could tell everyone together, but we really didn't want to wait that long. I'll be around 13 or 14 weeks, which would be really hard to keep to ourselves for that long. We just told family for the most part though. We are going to wait until our doctor's appointment on the 14th to tell anyone else. That way we can actually see the little guy in there (I think it's a little guy anyway...) and have a confirmation that there is someone in there.

This whole secret keeping is really hard! I keep catching myself almost blowing it to my coworkers. Yesterday I almost told me friend about three different times. She started showing me swimsuits that I could get for Jamaica. Not really thinking, I said "Ok but I probably will need a one piece..." She didn't ask why thankfully or pick up on anything. So I just pretended that I liked the one pieces better. Then a few hours later, we were talking about a friend of ours who is having a baby in December and my friend asked what they are going to name the baby. I said that they are keeping it a secret, which she in turn said she would probably do as well. I began to say "Yes that's what we are doing too." But I changed it mid-sentence to "Yea we'll probably do that too someday." Jeeze, I swear this is going to kill me to keep this secret for so long! Thank goodness we've only got three weeks until the doc appointment.

This morning we started taking our weekly pictures (although they will start being more weekly after the doc appointment). We got a chalkboard and wrote the date that we found out (10.11.12 by chance!) on the top and when the estimated arrival date is. Then I held up the positive test. We probably won't do a belly pic for a few more weeks because there really won't be much to see for a while. When it's all done it will look something like this, with out own personal tweeks.

And of course I can't get the picture to get very big. But you can kind of see it and get an idea. I will put on the one we took too eventually. And when we are all done, we'll have a little collage like this. I think it's such a fun idea!

It's kind of crazy that this girls starts showing at 10 weeks. That's not very far away! Four weeks until I'm at 10 weeks! It could be different for me of course though. We'll see.  

My brother and his wife actually are getting rid of a bunch of their baby stuff right now and I was able to snag a stroller and car seat and a breast pump that they hardly used. We didn't take the stroller right away, but they are holding onto it for us. I do have to say that I am so happy that God gives us eight and a half months to prepare for this stuff. I for one feel completely overwhelmed by all the baby stuff that I need to know about and get and all that! It's just crazy. I went into a baby store with my mom and sisters while we were home and just didn't want to look at anything by the time I was done. Part of it really is the fact that we live in this really tiny tiny place and a crib alone is going to have to be crammed in. So the idea of buying little extras is not as much fun as I would like it to be.

Hopefully we will get to move into a little bigger place before too long. I mean we can make it work where we are right now, but it will be really hard and it will really piss me off if the company does that to us. There is a chance that my hubby might get promoted if his boss finds another job, but that probably won't happen for a while. I am just going to have to exercise my patience skills. I know everything will work out for the better and I know we will be able to handle whatever is given to us. It would just be a whole lot easier to handle it all in a place with a few more square feet!

Three More Weeks!

There are only three more weeks until election day and quite frankly I cannot WAIT for it to be over with. People get so heated and angry with each other over politics. I wish America had more of a mindset that centered around the common good of everyone. Why does it always have to be one side or the other? It's so frustrating to watch. I personally have chosen the candidate that I think will do a better job, but I've also come to the realization that God is going to select the best man for the job. My candidate may not win, and if it that happens, I am really going to try and accept the fact that he was meant to be there. I just wish the waiting game was over and all these politic talk would be over and done with.

What Else Could I Possibly Be Thinking About??

Well this blog was supposed to be more of an all around life blog, but now that I have found out I'm pregnant, I foresee the main topic of it will revolve around pregnancy. Okay maybe not all the time. I've got eight more months to worry and think about everything, so I'm sure I'll still be able to muster up some other posts about additional topics, but for now, baby things it is!

I still just don't feel like it's true. I know that it is, but for some reason I just don't feel like it's really going to happen. This is something that I've thought about pretty much all my life. What it would be like to have a baby and now that it is happening in the near future, I just can't believe it. Plus I have not really felt any side effects (other than sore boobies) so I still just don't feel like it's true.

Maybe once I start feeling nauseous, maybe then I'll realize that it's really happening. Or maybe once I'm the same size as a baby whale I'll believe it. Or maybe once the kid is coming out my vag...maybe then it will be real. Who knows? I just still can't believe that I'm going to be a mom though. I'm like for real a grown up now. When you have kids, it's official. You are a grown up. Yea getting married is a big deal and a very grown up thing to do, but you're still not truly a grown up until a baby is on the way. Now there is another human being whose life depends on you being a responsible adult. Having a kid is a BIG deal!

I know I should feel nervous about it, but really I'm not. I'm a little concerned about the whole child birth part. That might be a little nerve racking. Surprisingly though, I always thought that once I had a child, I would really want the doctors to just leave me the hell alone and let me do my thing. Now that it's real and I'm going to have to go through some seriously painful stuff, I am all for doctor help. Maybe not so much inducing labor (although who knows once we get closer) but I think I am totally going to go for the epidural. There's no point in letting myself be in pain and agony if it can be avoided. My luck (and history of anesthesia tolerance) it isn't going to work anyway and I'm going to have to do the whole thing naturally anyway. The thing I'm the most scared of is the episiotomy. Holy crap, I don't want that snipped...yowzas!

But then again, I've got 8 months to go and I'll think about the childbirth part once we get closer (and once we actually talk to a doctor about it). I'm a little worried about our living situation. We are currently living in a pretty darn small place without much space for a crib or couch or chair or anything extra really. I think we could make it work if we had to. We are basically waiting for our company to move us to some housing that is a little bit bigger. I'm really praying that we will get moved to a house that will be a little better for our situation. The nice thing is that we don't have to pay rent or utilities so we don't have to worry about being evicted or our heat being shut off if we can't make the payments, so I am really thankful for that.

Honestly one of the reasons I can stay so calm about this whole thing is that I know we can do this. There are people who are a lot worse off than we are who have made it work. I am thankful for a wonderful supportive husband and the great job that he has. Having a partner like him really makes things like this not so scary. I know that no matter what we can make it through anything. I really do feel blessed for the life that we have been given. I often think about wives who have husbands that just don't care. I can't imagine feeling like I'm alone in this. Single mothers are amazingly strong to me.

Anyway we are going to tell our family this weekend. We are headed home and it's really the only time we can. It's still a little bit early, but I'm really not too worried about that. I know that I can't wait until Christmas to tell them and I want to tell my family before my friends and there is NO way I can hold it in from all my friends until Christmas. Just waiting this long (a whole week!) has been killer. I don't really know how people can wait until the end of the first trimester to say anything.

It is going to be pretty fun to tell them. I think they are going to be really excited about it! I know I am stoked and can hardly wait to tell the entire world. I think I'm going to look online and see if I can find any super creative ways to spill the beans.

Jinxed

I've been really focused on this Jamaica trip the last few days. Thinking about the different exercise programs I am planning on doing to be fit. Getting a tanning package in town so I can have a little color when I get there. I even clocked out when I should expect my period while we are there. I figured out that I was probably going to get it right at the end of the trip if it stuck with it's normal schedule for the next few months. If I could have got my period to be one or two days late each cycle, then it would start a couple days after we got back, which would be perfect. So this time around I was hoping my period would come on the 10th, rather than the 9th like when it was due.

The 9th arrived but no period, and I was happy because I knew it was a little late which was what I was hoping. Be careful what you wish for...

The 10th came and went. I thought it was a little weird that I still hadn't started, but also my period has been a little messed up lately due to my training and running a marathon. I really haven't been running a lot, but I did run my marathon at the beginning of my cycle and I thought that that might have messed it up a little. But just for shits and giggles, I decided to take a pregnancy test.

Now I have taken a few of these the last couple months since I went off the pill. Like I said, my cycle has been a little off lately and so I fully expected it to be negative.

So yesterday morning I woke up, and still no period. I grabbed a box of pregnancy tests and went into the bathroom. I turned on the shower and plopped down on the potty. Normally when I take one of these, I put it on the sink and don't look at it. But this time I watched it as it turned, because it was definitely going to be negative.

NOPE! About 15 seconds in, I could see the faint second line coming into focus and blaring it's big fat positive pink line in my face. Holy shit!! I'm pregnant...

I literally started shaking and crying and freaking out just a tad. I was NOT prepared for this to happen. A lot of times, I think I might be and then I never am. The one time I took it thinking I had nothing to worry about...well, there it was.

I thought about waiting to tell my hubby until after work. I didn't want him to freak out about it all day and that way I could figure out a creative way to tell him. I got ready for work and decided that yes, I would wait until after to tell him. He sometimes goes to work a little bit after me and this day was one of those days. I told him I was leaving and kissed him goodbye. As I started to walk away he paused and said "Hey...is it off season yet?" I kinda froze. I tried to decide if I should just lie and say it did. But it caught me off guard and I couldn't brush it off gracefully. I said "Well no it hasn't." And I went into the bathroom and got the test. He said, rather calmly in fact "We pregnant?" And I turned on the light and handed him the test. Then, I think it hit him. I really had to get to work, so we talked a minute and then I said we'd talk more after work. We were both in shock, but now that the news has kinda set in, we are pretty excited. I still just don't believe it's true. I haven't felt nauseous yet and I don't feel any different, so I don't think it's really set in.

We set up a doc appointment for November 14 because by then I'll be 8 weeks and they can't really tell us anything until then anyway. We'll have an ultrasound and they'll answer all our questions that we have. I just really wish we could go in sooner! I also can't believe I have to wait until January to find out if it's a boy or girl! This waiting thing is killer.                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

And because of my last post, I have now jinxed myself and will in fact be six months pregnant while we are in Jamaica. I'm hoping I won't be too huge by that point (people only really start showing half way right??). But so much for really trying to do P90X and Insanity this winter. I know that I will not feel like doing them. I think they are going to have to be a post-baby goal. And perhaps I will run another marathon next summer. Lord knows I'm going to have some extra pounds to shed.

Jamaica Man!

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take ya

Bermuda, Bahama 

Come on pretty mama

Key Largo, Montego 

Baby why don't we go 

Jamaica 

Usually in the winter it is pretty desolate where we live. We are located in the Grand Teton National Park and in the summer it's a pretty busy place. But once we hit mid October, it gets really really empty around here. Then when the snow hits, it gets even more empty. There are about fifty people who live here year round (including workers and families). So by January and February things can get a little boring. This year though we've arranged for some very very exciting plans. My hubby and I and several of our friends are going to JAMAICA in March! I cannot wait!! Our company has a property down at Half Moon and so we can get an employee rate to stay there ($125/night!). One of the guys going with us worked in the Peace Corp in Jamaica, so he knows the ins and outs of the place. Plus flights out of our town are super cheap. I have no idea why, but it's cheaper to fly to Jamaica than it is to fly to New York City. Crazy! But we are taking advantage of it now while we are still young and kidless.

I think some of us are going to try doing Insanity during the winter months. We all work close enough and we have the same hours so we can motivate each other to do it. Now that I have some motivation to stay in shape (and get into better shape) it will give me things to do during the days that it gets so dark early. I am going to look good in my bikini in March! And I'll do whatever exercise I need to to make that happen. Now I'm just going to have to not get pregnant between now and March...

What's It All About?

Many of you may already know me. I have been writing in a little known blog called Musings of a Marathoner for about a year now and have decided to create another that centers more around all the little things in my life, other than my training for a marathon. Since I have completed my marathon (I am still running and concentrating on fitness subjects for that blog) I wanted to have another for all the other areas in my life.

Family, friends, marriage, sex, politics, entertainment, fertility and faith are just some of the highlights that I plan to discuss in this blog.